Okay, let’s get real for a moment.
It’s great to have friends and family who support your author dream, but having a great support system does not a stellar review make. Even if those closest to you are willing to shower you with glowing words, they might not be the best fit for your needs.
Reviews are great for social proof. They let potential buyers know that others are reading your book and prompt them to pick up a copy for themselves, but should you ask family and friends?
When building a book marketing strategy, many authors, especially new ones wonder if they should ask family or friends to help out. The answer is not always clear cut because of the unique challenges they may face.
If you’re wondering when and how to ask friends and family for book reviews, I’m sharing some helpful tips in this article.
We’ll consider:
Should you even ask?
One of the challenges of having friends and family review your book is that they don’t want to hurt your feelings, so giving an unbiased review can be challenging for them. However, book reviews can add a layer of credibility that helps establish your position as an author, so sometimes asking friends or family for an unbiased review is the way to get the ball rolling.
Reviews can affect site algorithms, which can impact how your book shows up in search results, so setting up a review strategy early on is a smart move.
Note: Amazon specifically prohibits reviews from family members and close friends. If they suspect that the book was reviewed by a family member or friend, the review will be deleted. Several violations can put an author’s account at risk and reduce visibility. For more details on their restrictions, read their community guidelines.
Other sites like Goodreads and BarnesandNoble.com don’t mention reviews by family and friends directly, but they do want unbiased reviews that don’t unnaturally inflate book ratings.
When to ask friends and family for reviews
This is a tough one because asking people close to you for a review can be a mixed bag of results. Here are some tips to know when to ask them for reviews:
- The safest route is to ask family and friends for offline, word-of-mouth reviews, like recommending your book to others who might be interested.
- When they are part of your alpha, beta, or ARC team, asking for their honest review of your book can help you improve the book before it is published.
- When they want to leave a review, and you are certain it will be an unbiased, helpful review for potential readers.
When not to ask friends and family for reviews
- If they haven’t read your book.
- If you’re not sure they will give an unbiased review
- If it goes against the review policies of the selected website
- If they are not part of your ideal audience base.
How to ask
Asking family or friends for reviews takes a delicate hand. You don’t want them to assume that you want them to give you a glowing review, and you also don’t want them to feel obligated, so careful consideration is needed. Here are a few ways to approach the ask:
Take the time to create a thoughtful request, whether you plan to do it in person or by email. In-person works best for those closest to you.
For friends that you’re not sure if they’d be comfortable giving you a review, a polite email will add a nice buffer. Just make sure it’s personal enough so they won’t feel like it’s a form letter.
When asking, offer gentle guidance on the best types of review. including:
- The importance of disclosing the personal connection
- Honesty over flattery is best
- Only leave a review if they’ve read the book
- Being specific and constructive wherever possible, but avoiding spoilers—details that could spoil another reader’s experience.
A sample email could read something like this:
Hi (Name),
Thank you for taking the time to read my first book, (book title). It was such a joy to write it and share it with you.
If you are open to reviewing it (no pressure at all), there are a few book sites that accept reviews from family and friends:
- Goodreads
- BarnesandNoble.com
- BookBub
- StoryGraph
- Your preferred social media platform
One review is enough, so select the site that works best for you.
Please note that it is against Amazon.com’s policy for family members or friends to leave a review, so please don’t leave a review for me on Amazon.com.
Also, if you decide to leave a review, please disclose that we are related by saying something like “Disclosure: The author is a family friend.”
Thank you in advance for your honest review of my book. If you decide not to leave a review, that’s okay, too.
Sincerely,
(Your name)
Customize the template or create your own from scratch. The idea is to make the reviewer feel appreciated, not obligated. They shouldn’t feel any pressure to give you a review, so try to make that clear in your email.
What if leaving a review is not ideal?
Sometimes, having a family or friend leave a review is not ideal. Maybe it’s against the site’s policy, like Amazon.com, they can’t leave an unbiased review, or they’re not comfortable leaving a review. If they still would like to support your author journey, consider suggesting any of the following:
- They can share on social media. Many people have one or multiple social media accounts.
- If they enjoyed your book, they can suggest it to other people who might be interested. Word of mouth can go a long way.
- They can host a book club discussion
- They can request the book at their local library.
- They can come to your book event and invite others.
When I wrote my memoir, one of the best ways my family and friends supported me was by setting up a book signing at our church. It was a way to have all of my family and friends in one place to celebrate the accomplishment. This was especially helpful to me as a first-time author. It was just the boost I needed to keep writing and doing what I loved.
Lukewarm reviews
What if your friend or family member doesn’t give you a glowing review? It happens, and a negative or mediocre review from a friend or family member can be especially painful, so know who you’re asking. We can’t control the reviews that random customers leave, but we can strategically select our family and friends who genuinely seem like they enjoyed our book.
After careful selection, if you still receive a not-so-nice review, see if there’s anything in it that can help you improve as an author, then throw everything else away from your mind. You have more books to write. Don’t let the negativity of others, especially the mean-spirited kind, keep you from fulfilling your author dreams.
Tread lightly
A platform’s terms of service can change, so read their review policies carefully before inviting family and friends to leave reviews. At the writing of this article, only Amazon.com has a clearly defined policy against family and friends leaving reviews, but that can change and other sites can adopt a similar policy, so do your research.
Note: The FTC (Federal Trade Commission) has disclosure rules in place to ensure the safety of consumers. They require that family and friends disclose a personal connection when they leave a review. Here’s the exact wording from the FTC Section 255.5:
§ 255.5 Disclosure of material connections.
(a) When there exists a connection between the endorser and the seller of the advertised product that might materially affect the weight or credibility of the endorsement, and that connection is not reasonably expected by the audience, such connection must be disclosed clearly and conspicuously. Material connections can include a business, family, or personal relationship. They can include monetary payment or the provision of free or discounted products (including products unrelated to the endorsed product) to an endorser, regardless of whether the advertiser requires an endorsement in return. Material connections can also include other benefits to the endorser, such as early access to a product or the possibility of being paid, of winning a prize, or of appearing on television or in other media promotions. Some connections may be immaterial because they are too insignificant to affect the weight or credibility given to endorsements. A material connection needs to be disclosed when a significant minority of the audience for an endorsement does not understand or expect the connection. A disclosure of a material connection does not require the complete details of the connection, but it must clearly communicate the nature of the connection sufficiently for consumers to evaluate its significance.
A disclosure prompt was included in the email request template above. The exact nature of the relationship doesn’t have to be included, but something indicating that the reviewer knows you will help a potential customer weigh the review properly.
Here are some additional examples of disclosures from family or friends:
- Disclosure: I am a close friend of the author and received a free copy of the book. This is my honest opinion.
- Note: My daughter, the author, gave me a complimentary copy of her book. These are my thoughts.
- As the author’s cousin, I received this book as a gift. This is my unbiased feedback.
Reviews and your marketing funnel
The ultimate goal of book marketing is to get your book in front of as many potential buyers as possible. This includes thinking outside the box and learning how to ask friends and family for book reviews. especailly when you’re just starting out. This can offer an extra boost of social proof; however, it’s not something to jump into lightly. Asking those close to you to review something you’ve done can be sticky, so consider the option carefully before asking.
The challenge is that reviews from family or friends can be considered biased, which is why the FTC requires disclosures to protect consumers. This is actually a good thing. Disclosing a relationship creates an atmosphere of trust and can put potential customers at ease so that they don’t feel like they’re being misled. There’s a lot of deceptive marketing out there that’s a huge turn-off for most consumers, so steer clear by being transparent.
If you decide to ask someone close to you to review your book, treat them with respect and honor their decision, even if they prefer not to offer a review, and if you receive a review that is less than stellar, take a step back and remember that not everyone will be a fan, even someone close to you.
If asking feels icky, don’t do it, but if you think it’s a good fit, handle the opportunity with care.
